I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
