i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
