My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
