'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
