jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
