alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
