hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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