Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
false alarm. still invincible.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
