i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
