Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
