i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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