New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
