Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Randomize
