I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He felt like a one man threesome
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
