he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
