So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
