no, he came in my armpit
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
