I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
