We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
