Your mouth is God's brothel.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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