had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
