You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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