help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
