you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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