Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
