Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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