you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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