I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
