Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
