This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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