She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
