I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
