he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
