What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
