My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
