The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
