I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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