I can tuck mytits in my pants
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's always time for handjobs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
