If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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