Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
