had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just gargled with NyQuil
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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