Life is so much better after having sex.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
