Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
