There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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