You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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