So drunk, too bad you don't want this
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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