Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
