This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
