he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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