hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
